Dawns Diary
by boo boo kitty foo
Summary: A look into Dawns private thoughts and feelings, as she nears her birthday and the changes she is going through.


Dear Diary...

I have been so busy I know I've neglected you so this entry is gonna be a long one OK?

So here goes...

16-05-2001

A week before my birthday.

I had woken up feeling strangely satisfied with a sticky feeling between my legs,

God,I think i've just had my first wet dream,

it was so vivid and sexy my imagination sure ran riot.

I mean I have only ever kissed a boy and that one time with Janice,

but I wont even go there it's a bad bad place, full of bad bad things,

besides Janice is my best friend and probably my only friend except Spike,

Mmm Spike.Back to me and my dreams how could I dream that stuff.

I know bout sex and babies i'm not stupid, mom gave me the short version of "The Talk",

when I was twelve and I touched myself.

Which was nice but I feel frustrated and need to do it alot, am I ready for the next stage?

I am fifteen years old,nearly sixteen in seven days, nine hours and twentysix minutes exactly.

So my brain says no you're too young and my body says shut up stupid brain and I think the brain is in for a fight.

All I know is I am gonna get busted big time if me and my teenage hormones have to keep on sneaking off for a bit of

quality time with my pant parts.

Buffy caught me out last week when she busted in on me. I was sitting on the side of the bath waiting for it to fill

up and those pesky hormones reared their heads again so who am I to deny them so I reached down hand in pants and was

getting down with the funky,when Buffy shouted from outside the bathroom door I nearly fell backwards into the bath

'cause I hadn't locked the door as she barged in she noticed me still with hand in pants she spluttered and nearly

choked it would have been funny in any other situation,Buffy choking that is.

Buffy kind of hurried out after that and I was left to die of embarrasment alone.

After what seemed like forever I got out of the tub and went to get dried off in my room I opened the door and Buffy was

sitting there on the bed Uh Oh here comes The Big Sis Talk notice the capitals!

She's all Blah blah, it's natural, Blah, healthy part of growing up, Blah blah Blah,every body does it, Blah di blah blah!

Back up I see an opportunity for revenge. Every body does it she says so I blurt, Do you do it? My turn to watch my sister

squirm with embarrasment.She quickly answers yes as she gets even redder and turns the conversation to me again ask me if

I have any questions about boys and stuff then makes her excuses and goes downstairs.

Well that wasn't so bad, I get dressed and sneak off to buffys room to borrow a lipstick and see what else I can pinch.

In Buffys room I am going through her bedside drawer I pick up a couple of lippies and a mascara,at the back of the drawer

there are some foil packets I know they're rubbers,when Dad lived here I saw them in his pocket once and he told me they

were balloons.

I take a couple of the foil packets and shove them in my pocket,I will look at them later.

I head downstairs and Buffy shouts from the kitchen to see if I want Breakfast, there is no way I'm going to sit there

after whats happened,so I make my excuses and tell her I'm off to see Willow and don't want to be late. Ha! freedom my

first thought was to see Willow but anything I say about Buffy or boys may get back to Buffy I know Willows not a tattle

but some times things just fall out of her mouth,it's a flaw!

So I take a turn at the end of the street and find myself near Sunnydale cemetary,convenient I know Spike will be asleep but

he wont mind me hanging out there. Spikes really cool not to mention a hottie,yeah he comes across all Grrr I'm the big bad

vampire Grrr I'll rip your throat out! But he's a big pussy cat really. He's all mooning over Buffy and she's such a Bitch

to him, he deserves someone much better than her,Repressed feelings much!

Yes I suppose if I admit I do have a crush on Spike it's hard not to he's all platinum hair and confident swagger.

But he's so busy mooning over Buffy he'd never notice me.

I reach Spikes crypt and I let myself in expecting Spike to be asleep I am surprised to see him sitting in his chair hastily

tucking himself away,"Bollocks don't you bloody summers women bloody knock!"

well he said something like that but with a few more shits and buggers thrown in.

I stare at his crotch and he looks at me "Bit I explain..." What Spike that you had a cramp and was just working the kinks

out! well thats what I would have said if I wasn't still staring with my jaw on the floor.

Don't bother to explain Spike i've been in the same sitch today Oops! I didn't mean to say that bit out loud. Spike

looks at me " c'mon bit tell ol'e Spikey all about it."

And as strange as it might sound I can usually tell Spike anything he doesn't judge or think i'm weird,so I pour out

the whole Buffy caught me masturbating story and he just laughs,I sit there looking stupid and he laughs!

So what do the Summers women do best,yeah I hit him,only on the arm but he only laughed harder and I couldn't help myself,

I started laughing too! Then he made a remark about us being a couple of wankers and I nearly choke,he's so funny I lean

forward and plant a kiss on his lips,he looks shocked to say the least, the look on my face must have given me away 'cause

Spike was all " I'm flattered pet really I know all these teenage hormone thingys you're having are messin' with yer brain

an' all I've seen it before young slips o' girls crushing over older fellas its like a rite o' passage thing innit?"

I can't believe I stood there and listened to him trying to be nice blame it on the hormone thing, try to make me feel

like it wasn't really me, to blame for my stupid actions. Stupid Spike, stupid Dawn, stupid life,so I turn and run from

the crypt nearly tripping on a gravestone on the way,why me?I don't stop till I get near home at the end of revello I

try to compose myself can't risk Buffy seeing me upset and asking questions,well what would I say,Oh I'm just a bit upset

about being rejected after throwing myself at Spike who is too busy to notice me 'cause he's jonesing for you,yeah that

would go down really great,not! Luckily Buffy's not home so I head to the kitchen for a big bowl of choc chip cookie dough

comfort.

Three bowls of Ice cream later I went to my room and was trying hard not to think about Spike,but you know he just pops

right in there when you least expect it.Buffy came home awhile later and bought pizza with her she shouted me for Dinner

but after all that Ice cream no-way!

Buffy checks me for a temperature all sarcastic like I never refuse food unless I'm ill!

I try and get Buffy to spill the beans about birthday pressies but she wont tell me what she's getting me,

I have hinted heavily for a new jacket I have seen Its Leather and a deep red colour she said no 'cause I'd look

like vamp bait,but I'm sure she's gonna get it for me.

After trying with no luck to get details out of Buffy she lets slip about my not so suprise party.

Yay I'm having a party! I slowly drive Buffy crazy with my non stop babble about cake and music and who to invite until

she goes off on patrol sporting a brand new Dawnie induced headache.

Now alone my thoughts return once again to Spike I know I'm obsessing but Buffy doesn't want him so whether he wants me

or not I will show him that I'm not a child I am a woman well... nearly!

So plan is starting to form the seduce Spike plan or SSP for short, lame I know,but hey still 15.

I have a week to transform myself from gangly to hottie, It's gonna be tough,

but if it helps me get what I want well I'm game.

17-05-2001

Six days to my birthday

I woke up ready to put phase 1 of my plan into action,I was venturing into a world unknown.The Beauty salon,

home of pedicures,manicures and Brazillian waxes,the thought just brings back tears.

I had gone into town a girl on a mission to tame the untameable a bikini wax, I thought I'd start off slow have a

manicure followed by a foot soak and pedicure working my way to the bikini wax.Oh my God! I was trying to be all grown up

and adulty and I was ok until they pulled the wax strips off,boy did I squeal I'm sure the woman took great pleasure in

causing me pain well you'd have to be sadistic to do that job then they have the cheek to charge you for it!

I was ready to leave then but I figured I couldn't leave with the other strip still stuck on so there was no going back

and I just gritted my teeth as she pulled the final stip off,never ever again no guy is worth that pain!

The idea was to go on a shopping trip but by the time I had left the salon I could barely walk so I limped lamely to

Starbucks for a double mint mocha I really needed it!

Xander was there with Willow and as soon as they saw me they called me over,Xander was trying to sound me out about

pressies and things I like,he was never very subtle,I used to have a big crush on Xander but then he met Anya and well I

suppose I grew up a bit.

I gave Xander and Willow a few gift ideas and they carried on talking about the not suprise party,they are more excited

than me and it's my birthday,well I can't blame them there's not many chances for fun in Sunnydale.

We all leave the coffee shop and Xander and Willow go their seperate ways,and I head off to Spikes to say my sorrys like

a grown up.

When I get there he's no-where to be seen,so I take a look around,snooping I guess.

It's not so bad for a crypt,he's made it as homely as the undead can,a T.V with a battered old comfy chair a fridge for

keeping blood fresh and a few bottles of liquor.

Down stairs,if you can call it that,really it's just a hole in the ground with a ladder,Spikes beds a king size no less!

I couldn't help myself I picked up a pillow and inhaled, Mmmm Spike smell,smell of Spike, yes I look like a stalker but

I haven't seen him since yesterday and there's no-one around so,no harm no foul right!

I take in the surroundings,plenty of candles,with a bit of imagination this could be a really romantic place,

yes it would do very nicely.

I leave the crypt after scribbling a quick note to Spike telling him I'm sorry and I'll see him at my party,

I just hope he still comes.

I bet Buffy's wondering where I am so I hurry home to find her up to her eyeballs in books.I hear a mumbled

"Hey Dawn dinner's in the oven,"

and her attention is on the book again,so I say a quick hello and head to the kitchen. Dinner was me sitting by myself

while Buffy read up on Demons well nothing much was happening really it's all quiet on the monster front,which is good

I suppose,but I think Buffy's worried that it's the calm before the storm god I sound like Giles.

After having eaten I rang Janice and arranged to meet her tomorrow for a shopping spree,I'll have to write a list:-

Sexy underwear - not slutty

Champagne - fizzy white wine

Massage oil - Anya recommends it!

Cibo Matto C.D - just 'cause I like it

Oh I might get some of those scented tea light candles, you can never have too many candles.

My brain just won't shut off I am too excited to sleep thoughts of shopping and Spike two of my favorite things if

we added food I would be complete,Mmm maybe I should add food to the list,well it worked in 9 1/2 weeks...

18-05-2001

Five days to my birthday

After a restless night I woke later than I expected,Buffy had already left for the magic shop.

And the phone was ringing I rushed to answer it, and I told Janice to come over,that gave me about half hour to get dressed

and have a late breakfast.

I put my music on full and was dancing around the kitchen when Janice arrived she was all excited about this new guy at

school Johnny, she's been fawning over him since he started a few weeks ago.

I tell her about my plan of seducing Spike and she's all "you go girl!" maybe Janice knows how to use a rubber I know

where it goes ,just not how to do it.

I showed Janice the foil packets that I'd taken from Buffys room and she gave me a quick how to using a banana.

She opened the foil and showed me the rubber, there is a little sticky up bit at the end.

She held that between her finger and thumb and put it on the top of the banana,it's hard to keep a straight face.

The banana looks like he's wearing a little hat maybe we can put a face on him I say,thats it we burst into a fit of giggles

and Janice drops the banana Oops! thank god thats not a real penis or your Spikey wouldn't be too pleased!

Five minutes later Janice had control over herself and showed me how to roll the rubber down over he length of the

banana/penis,Ta da!

Do you want me to show you how to put a rubber on using my mouth asks Janice.

My eyes bug out of my head and I start making spluttering sounds.Janice laughs again and goes on about her dad gets

the XXX pay per view channels,the less said about that the better!

After we cleaned up,we finally hit the shops. First stop the lingerie I have shopped here before but usually in the

young miss section.

Now we head for the sexy stuff in the adult range.

Janice is like a kid in a sweet shop she's done stuff so I guess she knows what guys like. I see a lot of things I like

but I want to make the right impression sexily seductive, not slutty come get me, but hey that might work too!

Janice pushes me towards the changing rooms and hands me a handfull of underwear. Go try these on and let me see what you

look like.I slip into the changing room and pick the first bra and panties up,this is going to be a long day I can tell.

I call Janice and she looks me up and down in the gingham selection she chose and said it was too Daisy Duke.

Next I try on the red and black peephole there is now way I'm showing her that,besides it's way to slutty in a cheap

hooker kind of way.

I am down to the last two choices so I the white satin and lace number and I give myself a twirl in the mirror I call

Janice and she said it's nice an' all but I look a bit like a sacrificial virgin.

Ok then last try I'm bored now and want some lunch well,I'm a growing girl!

The last bra and panties were a deep red satin quite plain but classy. The bra was cut quite low and the panties were

high cut showing enough cleavage and making my long legs look impossibly longer.

Yes these were the ones,Janice you came through in the end.

I pay for my stuff and we head over to the diner.

Janice gets us a corner booth and I go and order us a couple of burgers and a shake.I sit down and hand Janice her shake

and she hands me a bag in return.Whats this ? I open the bag a peer inside before I can say anything Janice is talking

again,she does that alot!

She explains that the long white thing is a vibrator, I kick her to try and hush her up a bit but luckily our booth is

kind of secluded.

She says it's for my benefit and to practice with it before the big night as it will stretch things out make my first

time easier.I look at her not convinced but agree to try,I could never talk to buffy like this.

There is also flavoured lubricant in the bag but I don't need to be told what that's for!

At last our order arrives and Janice has something to occupy her mouth with leaving me to think about other things.

A short while later Janice had to leave as her mom was picking her up to take her bowling I said I'd call her soon and

waved goodbye.

She's my best friend but sometimes you can overdose on Janice.

I take a quick walk and pick up some candles then I head over to see Clem 'cause I know he'll go to the store for me,

on account of me being the Slayers sister, he can hardly say no can he.

Clem's as good as his word I give him a some money, to get the best wine twenty bucks can buy which is not alot.

I thank Clem and head home with my shopping I've gotta hide this stuff before Buffy gets back,I still have some more

stuff to get but I will have to creep round Buffy to get an advance on my allowance.

Luckily no-ones home but Buffy's been back 'cause she left me a list of chores,nice to know she cares heh!

I go upstairs to stash my stuff and I take the lady finger that Janice gave me out of the bag I must admit I haven't

touched myself for days which for me is like a record or something.

First I decide I'm gonna try to put a rubber on it,practice makes perfect mom used to say.I do a pretty good job if I do

say so myself,I also found that if you twist the bottom of the lady finger it vibrates,yes I know it's a vibrator but call

me dense I still didn't expect it to go off like that!

Curiosity got the better of me I shut my bedroom door and made sure it was locked,not going to make the same mistake twice.

For something named the lady finger it's quite big I don't know any-one with fingers that long,I lay down on my bed and press

the tip of the vibrator to myself and Woah! I nearly launch off the bed,yep I could get used to this.

I started to enjoy myself and slowly put a bit of the vibrator inside gotta say oww I think I need to relax more maybe

I'll try again tomorrow.

19-05-2001

Four days to my birthday

Buffy woke me bright and early this morning,she is taking me to get an outfit for the party and if I play my cards right

I might get her to include a new haircut,Hurray for big sister and her new paying job!

Shopping twice in two days I must be dreaming...nope yay it's all real I love pressies!

Willow calls round and I ask her to come shopping with us, a real girly day.

The first place to be invaded was the magic shop just to annoy Giles really,and of course steal Anya and Tara,

the more the merrier ..right?Xander wanted to come along, I think to snoop on what girls get up to when guys aren't

around but Anya put a stop to that idea and I said" yeah but if you wore a dress you could have come" and Xander looked

for a moment like he was seriously thinking about it, I just shouldn't talk sometimes,Anya piped up yes Xander you can wear

that summer dress you wore one time when you gave me lots of orgasms.

Xander made a quick exit after that.

We left Giles furiously rubbing at his glasses and hit the shops.

Buffy went to order my birthday cake with strict instuctions, triple chocolate fudge cake with lots of girly pink frosting

yum. Did I already mention how excited I was? I was on the verge of doing my own little happy dance obviously not as good

as Xanders but hey...anyway back to shopping, I spotted a really smart semi fitted dress,

with a sweetheart neck line and modestly cut to rest just below the knee.

Thats the one I want I said to no-one in particular, but Anya heard and said something about being too old for me and the

fashion for younger girls being all denim and sparkly.

Thats the point I thought, I want to look older be treated like a equal not a child...

I nearly stamped in frustration but Buffy came back just then, and I totally have her wrapped round my little finger,

and guess what...yes! I got my dress, Happy Birthday to me!

Willow and Tara have been giving each other looks all day,and not the lovey dovey kind,I know somethings going on,

I hope they sort it out soon. I love them both so much, they're like extra sisters with less arguments,

plus cool magic and stuff.

I try to slip away from the gang for a little shopping of my own but Anya insists on tagging along,I guess since I am being

her bridesmaid I have to be nice.So off we went,I wanted to get myself some nice scented massage oil so I made up some lame

assed excuse about needing to relax, and how it would also benefit Buffy after a hard days slaying, yeah right!

Well I couldn't tell her my real intentions.

Anya suggested lavender for relaxing but I don't want to smell like an old lady, it's not the sort of atmosphere I'm going

for!

After sniffing what seemed like a thousand scents I finally chose jasmine and rose, and I'm just hoping they do the trick.

Anya picks up some chocolate body paint I don't want to know what she's gonna do with it, but my brain already has images

and believe me there is no way I'm putting that on paper!

I was all ready to go back to meet the rest of the gang,when I remembered the C.D. So we dashed to the store and I was

about to grab the Cibo Matto C.D when Anya piped up loudly "You know, if you want lots of orgasms I would get this instead"

as she hold up a Barry White C.D.

At this point I am wishing the Hell Mouth would open up and swallow me,I quickly pay the cashier and leave the shop with

Anya running along beside me. Could she be any more embarassing?

We meet Buffy but Willow and Tara are knowhere in sight and Buffy said they had left,I think they'd been arguing,

Buffy wouldn't say why.

The mood changed, and shopping just didn't feel the same.

So we cut it short, You couldn't see Anya for dust as she rushed home to Xander.

I will never be able to look at chocolate spread the same way again.

Buffy had gone to see Giles for training, so I took the opportunity to try on my new clothes.

I looked good if I do say so myself! I got out the vibrator Janice had bought me yesterday,I am so gonna try and use it.

I had taken off my clothes and drew myself a bath,I added a few drops of the scented oil to relax me. I got in the bath

and had a good soak, feeling relaxed I drained the water and wrapped a towel around me.

Going into my room I locked the door,drying myself off I lay on the bed and began exploring my body. I touched gently,

my fingers sliding along and over my oiled clitoris,I hope this diary never falls into Buffys hands.

Anyway I was getting more aroused and the vibrator was able to enter just a little at first,then I began slowly working it

in and out and each time it went inside me a little bit further.God I felt stretched but in a good way,

why aren't these things made mandatory, everyone should have one!

After a few successes, I was quite the expert now! I washed and hid away my new best friend,and got myself dressed.

Buffy was due home so I ordered pizza, anything to get out of washing dishes.Dinner was nice Buffy actually sat with me to

eat before rushing off patrolling,She did leave me an advance on my allowance though, which makes up for the crappy

shopping day today.

I rang Janice and let her know that her gift worked she wanted details as usual,then she told me she'd got a date with

Johnny and could she bring him to my party? After catching up with the gossip... about an hour later,

I finally put the phone down. I make a mental note, make an appointment at the hair salon.

I need a change well Giles says" a change is as good as a rest" whatever that means I think I get it!

Now I need to sleep or I'll never wake up in the morning.


End file.
